The British Rainbow Dash
by TacticalNuke
Summary: Starting with the last day of normal Dash's life, Dashie, the British Rainbow Dash shows up. Later in the story, Applejack is impressed by the British Dash, and starts getting feelings for him. HIM? Yes the British Dashie is a he. But in the end, who will be left caring? Probably not me. Русские Даш показывает позже, да.
1. Chapter 1

6:00 WAKE UP

Dash woke up with a yawn. She went down to get some breakfast and got out her piece of toast. Expecting something more exciting? Leave.

7:30 GO TO WORK

Dash got out of the house and streched. She wanted to get done clearing the sky by 2:30. Her boss was the CEO of the company, and she got to kicking the dumb 'ol clouds. She had to leave a few for a light sprinkle, and _dashed _off to Pinkie's house. AKA Sugercube Corner.

9:35 TALK TO PINKIE

"Hello Pinkie!"

"Rainbow Rainbow Rainbow Rainbow! I'm so glad you made it!"

"Yes, well, what are we doing."

"BAKING CUPCAKES!"

"Oh. Another few ponies killed by poison?"

"Oh no. You will just watch me!"

"LOL NO."

"WAIT. DON'T. GO."

"Bye."

"FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

12:00 LUNCH WITH FLUTTERSHY

"Pass the salt."

"Ok."

Silence.

"Yo Fluttershy! Can you pass the butter?"

"It's at my house."

"Fluttershy..."

"Yes?"

"we're at your house."

2:30 APPLEDASH FANS DEMONSTRATE AT CLOUD MANSION

"Ok for the last time I AM NOT A BUCKING LESBIAN!"

"Prove it."

"Ok, Stalin! Come here."

"Hmmm?"

"I hate your guts and I hope you die the longest most painful death imaginable."

"Damn."

"See? I just did... that."

"Because he was a boy."

"LOL WTF"

"See. Lesbian phrase."

"Ok. 1. Applejack hates me 2..."

"But you love her."

"But 2. I hate her. I respect her, but hate her."

"Come on Dash! We SAW!"

"Saw what exactly?"

"You kissed her at the farm."

"Ok that's where you crossed the line."

"She said it!"

"A freaking fan made that picture. A STUPID GAY ASS FAN WHO CLOPS AND EATS HERSHEY BARS TO LOSE WEIGHT!"

"Fine."

6:00 DASH REGRETS LIFE

"Why am I alive I should be dead what is my purpose..." Dash said as she ate 6 bowls of ice cream. She wanted to know why everyone hated her. She quite honestly didn't like that. "Why shouldn't I just kill myself right here right now? I'll do it! Everypony else will be all 'Big bloody deal so-and-so died. Give her the smallest part of the obituaries.' Yeah. They will! I'm gonna get my rope now!" She grabbed a rope and wrote her suicide note. It was brief, considering she thought no one would care. Her it is: "Goodbye world and all who hated me. Including all of my 'friends'". She thought that worked. She secured the rope and yelled a last farewell to the world. She kicked the chair, and well, you should know what happened next. What? You don't? What in the name of... ok whatever. I'll tell you. Fine. Dumbass. Fluttershy came in and said "Hey. I got the butter. Would you still like some.. OH MAH GAWD!" She got Dash down and called the cops. Of course, to her, that meant Twilight.

6:47 TWILIGHT & FRIENDS ARRIVE

"Oh dear Celestia and all that make up god!"


	2. Chapter 2

After three days with British Dash, Twilight brought up an important subject: "Look, Dash, Why are you a stallion?"

"Got a problem with males?"

"No it's just, Rainbow was a female. We were kinda wanting another female."

"Well you got good 'ol male Dashie!"

"Fine. Go To Applejack's farm in 10 minutes. We will have a welcome to Ponyville party there for you."

"Ok. Whatever."

Dashie went on over to the farm 5 minutes early. Applejack stared angrily at the male, British, and worst of all, Dash. She resented him. Why not a British, I don't know, her? "Now look you Brit. Since you're here early get working."

"LOL, what?"

"You are here early so I want you to work on the farm. Just tear down a ton of apples then..."

"Like this?" Dashie said while perfectly applebucking a tree.

"Woah."

"Did I do it wrong?"

"No, you did great."

"My best, WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH!"

"No it was fine."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"Shut up!"

"Oh sorry I'm resenting my bloody life here. Sorry to interrupt your whozitwatzit.

Applejack giggled. Of course dash noticed this and was a little on the wtf side. However, for AJ, this was the beggining of her love for Dashie. Of course to Dash this was just Applejack being weird as hell. So, he went along with it until the untimate climax: the death of Applejack. I'VE SAID TO MUCH ALREADY!


	3. Chapter 3: Death in Deutchland

**Warning: there is a conversation in German in this chapter. I will provide translations at the end.**

Ahh, a new day! And with the princess not knowing at all about the death of normal Dash, the world was pretty much fine. But Twilight Sparkle was suspicious of the new Rainbow Dash, and wondered what his new "Xbox 360" was. All in all, Twilight did not trust the Brit. She summoned BRD to her home, and here is their conversation:

"Top of the mornin'! Now why am I here exactly?"

"Well Dash I have some questions for you."

"Ok! Now I want to go play my xbox so hurry up."

"Ok, 1, What is the xbox?"

"It's a bloody gaming console, not figured tha' out?"

" Well then, 2 why do you talk so strangely?"

"It's called an accent."

"OK, any questions for me?"

"Yeah, uh, Is your little pal Applejack always so weird?"

"Excuse me?"

"Every time I see her she either stares at me or just smiles like I just saved her from a bloody dragon or something."

"I haven't noticed. She should despise you and the air you breath."

"Why..."

"Don't ask."

Later, Dashie walked past the farm again looking for "Pinkie Pie", as she wanted to see him for a special "treat". Dash liked the sound of that! He was lost until Applejack showed up and said "Hey sugarcube, what you up to?"

"Uh, I'm looking, for uh, Sugarcube corner."

"Oh. That' down three miles north then to the right."

"Ok thanks."

Well, that was unpleasant. Dashie didn't know she always said that to everyone yet, so he was quite a bit freaked out. He hiked on for a few more miles then saw the candy shop. He assumed that was it, and walked on in. He was surprised with a hyperactive, hyperventilating, bouncy pink pony greeting him. " 'Ello gov'na! Now what are we gonna do?"

"Oh we are gonna make cupcakes!"

"oh..."

"What?"

"I do't like cupcakes..."

"What."

"I am more of a fan of scones, can we make scones or _normal, uniced, _muffins?"

"What? No."

"Well, then goo'bye!"

'FFFFUUUUUUUU"

Dash went on to his home, a nice, large cloud home with a British flag waving above it. He thought about his new life for a little, then heard a loud gunshot. "Holy Crap!" He yelled as he rushed to the window. Outside, there was a dead Applejack just lying there, and another pony running away. Or should I say FLYING away. Applejack had something in her hands, and something carved into her chest. From his high clouds, BRD could see her heart still, but slowly, beating. Her lungs still rising and falling. BRD flew down and gave AJ CPR. Just then the cops arrive and held guns up to BRD's face. "'Ello officers! I just noticed that this pony was deceased, and came on down here."

"Hands in the air!"

"Officer, I didn't kill this pony. I don't even now who she is."

"What's your name!?"

"Dashie, a British, male, version of Rainbow Dash. Why?"

"Well she knew you. She has a gift or something for you."

"What in bloody hell?"

"Her name I belivie is 'Applejack'"

"What!? Oh dear god she was my friend!"

"You're coming with us punk."

"Hei bitte?"

"Was?"

'Ah, ein Deutcher!"

"Ja, Und Ich bin.."

"Das ist underheich!"

"Ja ja ja."

"töterens!"

"was?"

"JA HÜDIN!"

"Shut up und bekommen das auto!"

GERMAN TRANSLATIONS:

"I beg you're pardon?"

"What?"

"Ah, a German!"

"Yeah! And I'm..."

"This is outrageous!"

"Yeah yeah yeah."

"Killers!"

"What?"

"YEAH BITCH!"

"SHUT UP AND GET IN THE CAR!"


	4. Chapter 4: End of the British Dashie

Dash was interviewed, and was put to trial. Here was the trial.

"The court will now come to order."

"I plead innocent. I heard a scream outside, then saw the body."

"Well then Mr. Dash, why was your cutie mark found on her chest?"

"That was normal RD's mark. Mine is a British flag."

"OK well then. Here is the gift that was carried to your house. Let's see it hmm?"

"Ok then"

"It's a gift for you. It is chocolate, a big box of it. Then a card saying that she loved you."

"Holy fucking shit."

"THIS IS A KID'S SHOW!"

"Sorry. But she loved me. And?"

The trial went on and on until the jury reached a verdict. Dash was found not guilty. She went to Twilight's house, and she found a gagged Twilight. "Leave leave!" she shouted in a muffled voice. Then, to the horror of BRD, her head was blown to smithereens with a bang. Dash ran over to her, and he saw the normal Dash, alive for whatever reason, holding a gun. She had black half- circles under her eyes. She bound up BRD and started sining an off- key song...

"I was killed by myself."

"MMF!"

"Then I was put on a hospital shelf."

"Mmf mre rmf?"

"I was revived by someone blue"

"Mrf rmf rff ff mf m!"

"Decided to kill a pony or two."

"Mff m mff !"

"Killed the ones that made me sad"

"Mmmmm."

"Then I turned oh so bad."

"MRF! MRFF MRF MF MR RFFF!"

"Sheesh ok. Ok time to DIE."

"MFF!"

BANG!

Just after the gun went off the police rammed through the door. They looked at RD with a "Are you fucking kidding me?" face. They held her down and dragged her while she laughed like a maniac to solitary confinement. Rarity and Pinkie Pie looked through the windows. Pinkie said "We are gonna half to get new friends!"

"Nonsense!" a voice said from behind. " We are the British counterparts of AJ and TS!

"But what about Rainbow Dash?" Rarity asked.

"Hello." A voice said with a Russian accent. " I ahm thee Rrushn Rainbow Dahsh, yes."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rarity and Pinkie yelled combined.

END


End file.
